Sabrine, Poison, a Ranger, and Dead Sera

In this episode, the gang went to go talk with Glover Cromwell down by the docks. He, however, wanted to kill us all. Before the fight began, however, we got a spyglass, a gun, and some silver.

Upon entering the basement, Cromwell was waiting for us with a gun. He chose to ask us questions, and, to be quite honest… who the fuck does that guy think he is? Does he actually think that he’s on the same respect-level as us? Fuck that.

He chose to make darkness, while we – just like God – chose to make light – an apt analogy if ever there was one.

Anyway, God ran away really fast up the ladder and then we saw His pissed off step-mother who wanted to see what God was made of… LITERALLY!!!

We all ran out into the alleys, and got shot by some douches with poisoned crossbows. Actually, only Bing got hit, and he almost died.

Apparently some guy on the roof was shooting Sabrine as we were running, and Subtle escaped through the Cobbler’s house.

Apparently we trust the guy with the bow and now he’s a member of our group. Also the Sera compound where Abbey was has been shut down on account of heinous diseases.

Hell Travelers

Bing made a few snarky remarks to Flora as she sat there helplessly, and away we went. On the way home, a time-travelling, extra planar being ripped open a portal on the street before us.

Verbal saw the light and went towards it. I knocked him upside the head to keep him from going into it, and the diving-man had his leg ripped off by a tentacle.

Good times.

We went to talk to Benny Alcot, the gambler, and he was pretty uneventful.


A Night of Infamy

Subtle headed down to the Cobbler’s house to find out more information about a supposed gap in his story. It turns out that some of his shaker-downers aren’t the Dandies. It appears that as of late, 3 other jerk-offs have been hassling him. He talked with Curly, the boy, and Flora, the daughter.

Turns out Flora is a real pill. She would only talk for money – quite a bit of money – and she informed us who the three people were: Glover Cromwell, a dock worker at the Southern Docks; Wayman Shanks, a drunk who hung out at a local tavern blowing all his money away; and Benny Alcot, a gambler who had the same last name as someone working in Loraine Davidson’s house (i.e., someone who had just lost a relative).

Upon hearing the news, it was obvious what had to be done. These po-dunk poor people were losing all their money to gangs, and so they needed to die. What’s that, you say? Well, they’re poor and in need of money, and they know about the path to the catacombs, Bing recently made the mistake of telling them who we were and that we were rather interested in this pathway, and it turns out that new people were hassling them (lest I remind you that we have recently been placed on “Assassination Watch”.That is, we might be assassinated).

It had to be done fast – news that the Spectres and the Wardens being interested in some crap house could spell disaster. The killing was easy, but the “dragging Flora to the Library to sell her soul to an ancient skeleton zombie” would prove to be a bit more difficult.

(Don’t worry Harolde, they died in their sleep and probably thought their deaths were a sick dream).

It turns out that, just as Bing worried, the news got out pretty fast. Flora wasn’t in her bed, and we had just murdered anyone who might have known where she was. We searched the local inns, and finally went to the Starks’ house – she had pointed it out to Subtle earlier. The only way in was through the chimney… and so we went. Bing sucks at climbing, but that didn’t prevent him from falling down the chimney and dealing 7 damage to Subtle. This unfortunate event led to us waking up two girls on a chair: Flora and Molly Shanks, obviously the daughter of Wayman.

We convinced them to be quiet, and luckily they agreed. Flora informed us that she was ‘the mastermind’ behind many of the Dandy Shakedowns, and that she had put Wayman up to the task of harassing her own father.

LOL – we were ALREADY going to kill you, Flora, you don’t have to make us feel GOOD about it!

Flora said she would pay us some money to shake-down Wayman which provided us a great opportunity to kidnap her. She WHIPPED OUT HER GU~UN!!!! after we said “sure”, but her friend seemed to take issue with the recent developments in her life – y’know, her father about to be killed? Molly started screaming, to which we gagged her and knocked her out. Bing was a bit worried about the entire “Flora having a gun” thing, and he informed her that he “gets stabby” when he gets worried. She reassured us that she would only use against Wayman. She sounds like a person whose word is worth a damn!

Flora took the gun and walked into the room after Subtle, but before Bing… to which Bing decided to try to knock her out by punching his own dick. She realized we were up to no good, and WHIPPED OUT HER GU~UN!!!! We were able to stop her from getting a shot off thanks to the wonderful Grapple-Rules that Evan will have to read about 5 more times to understand fully. Subtle got the knock-out hit, but Wayman had already woken up. He had just whacked Subtle with a chair leg. We didn’t really want to kill Wayman – he has information we might need – so we used out words instead of our blades.

Seeing as how this bitch was knocked out on the floor with a gun in her hand as she was entering Wayman’s room, we went with the entire “we had heard from your daughter that she was going to do something bad to you. We didn’t want her to see you get shot, so we knocked out your daughter first and now are taking care of Flora The Insane Punk Bitch Gangster Wannabe.” story.

After a round or two of Sarver-wondering-if-we-were-disciplined-enough-to-stick-with-our-lies-or-not, Wayman finally realized that that was a perfectly reasonable explanation of events and put down his weapon. We took our leave.

Next, the injured gang had to figure out how to deliver Flora to the library. We figured it would be best to knock her out with a sleeping drug and drag her in a “naw, man. We’re only merchants” Ass-drawn buggy. Luckily for us, the DM hates us, and a group of like 10 guards with Final Fantasy 7-like Polearm-guns decided to stop the stupidest looking assholes in the entire bustling metropolis. That being said, they were bribed fairly easily… with Bing’s money.

You owe me, big guy!

We got to the library and delivered the ginger gangsta bitch to the ancient skeleton bitch. We await our just comeuppance… I mean, reward.

One important piece of information to not forget: While we talked with Flora in Wayman’s house, she divulged the info that the house wasn’t really owned by anyone and that they were merely squatting there. Perhaps we should ask Loraine about this.

The Cobbler's Harolde

On this exciting adventure of Fuck-Up Royally, the Spectres decided to try and use their training. Bah! What a foolish idea that turned out to be. Upon attempting to sneak up to a house and learn about what was happening inside, they discovered that they might be able to enter the home if they caused a distraction near the building.

Well, it turns out that all the guards were horrific demon spawns of hell’s nine depths of hatred. Upon attempting to flee the scene, the Spectres discovered that Abbey ALWAYS has to fuck up some how and at LEAST go blind and barf bugs.

To remedy the situation, we took her to go see some Sera. They promised… very little, actually. And now the Spectres might have to launch a war against the beings.

But, to calm everyone down, our heroes, the morally void Spectres, decided to — I’m still not sure why — invade the home of a cobbler who might have been — but probably has not — been peddling drugs. He was surprised, and it turns out that the Spectres are voluntarily helping this guy from being robbed by the Dandies.

They killed a few dandies as well, while making puns regarding businesses and governments.

Mapping the Crypt

Harolde spent the last few years wandering around the catacombs trying to create maps of the place. He was able to find several exits on the first level. The second level was very similar. Any level beyond the second seemed impossible to map. The normal tactics of using markings on the wall and overlaying previous maps for patterns seemed fruitless.

One of the exits, in the northwest corner, entered into the basement of a home. Looking around the home it seemed like the residents might not know of the entrance. They were simple shop keepers, making shoes for a living.

One day, when the family was out on a picnic, Harolde entered the house and searched around. Nothing to out of the ordinary was found but he was asked to roll a search check after the GM slipped up and said that you found some interesting stuff in the parents bedroom, suspicions were high. Moments later a group of three dandies came banging on the door. Two of the dandies were killed pretty quickly but the third attempted to run off. Much to his dismay Harolde was forced to kill the third dandy without a chance to interrogate him. After a short romp around town trying to avoid a crowd all three dandies found a home in a shallow grave in the catacombs.

From there, we regrouped and advance forward.

A Night at the Library
Subtle's account of his trip to the library.

Subtle’s Notes:

I went to the library because my past was there, even though I knew it would somehow be a trap. I had a conversation with a lady about the previous owners of the library (my parrents) and decided to do some investigating. On the top floor I found a little girl who was injuring her hands trying to get at a ring that had fallen into a crack in the floor. I used my powers of telekenesis to pry the ring from the stone and then shit went wonkey.

The girl disappeared, everything went dark and the bookshelves started to move around. Luckily the darkness and I are fast friends. I silently navigated the darkened library, apparently avoiding some kind of spider people army who could not detect me. The shifting book shelves were leading me somewhere none the less, creepy laughter had begun and was getting louder.

Scarlet appeared suddenly to mock my predicament I assured her that I had the situation well under control, but she seemed sure i was going to die. Then she disappeared with the suggestion that she was going to take some action on my behalf.

I remembered that I had promised the little girl that i wouldn’t steal her ring so I threw it on the ground as i crept. As the ring hit the ground it was somehow magically louder than it should have been. So it was good that I am mega sneaky, because spider monsters and a creepy old lady began attacking where the sound had been.

Then I heard in Abby’s voice, “Oh it must have been nothing.” Abby had come to save me using her boon.

Soon the danger had subsided.

On the way out of the library I convinced Abby to check out the Basement with me. There we found a cave to the gallery of what had been a great fight. I put the ring on the little girl’s body and it came to life. She told me that she needed the wardens to do something about all these bodies, and that she needed someone to do something about her lack of a body. She in fact asked my permission to inhabit Abby’s body. I respectfully declined.

I’ve decided to get a body for my ghost friend, and Scarlet suggested I take an ascended girl from the Sera so I can get tied up in her little feud, but on the plus side of that plan others in the party with business to settle with Sera may be willing to help…

Ghosts of House's Past

We further discussed our options regarding the “what to do with all the people in the house” situation. Arguments ranged from merely admitting that we had no valid reason to kill anyone, all the way to kill everyone including Loraine Davidson.

Abbey decided to fuck all the noise and just hacked off Greta’s head. No qualms there, but she then chose to start showing it off like a trophy to other people. I ducked into another room with Subtle to kill the Preston douche. It was a bit less clean. While Abbey continued her rampage, I ducked out to try to keep Edna from being killed – she was clearly the victim in this entire story.

However, Abbey’s rampage brought her to the cook, where she almost willy-nilly shoved a dagger in his neck. He swatted her away like a proverbial gnat. Battle ensued, and he ended up trying to run away. We tracked him down but made a scene in the streets as I threw acid on him. (Ha! There’s a fun sentence!)

Everyone got the bizarre idea to hack all the hearts together and make a sort of butchered heart. I used the time to try to keep Edna safe by disguising her as Greta. The plan was working great, but instead of just bringing a bunch of heart pieces from each person we killed, the gang decided to just throw everyone’s hearts into a large pile. I hacked one of them in half to try to hide the deception.

Ultimately it was Harolde who figured out my chicanery. Instead of being his normal aloof self, who rarely inputs anything to the party’s decision making, he decided to take it upon himself to begin reciting the arguments made from what seemed like months ago. He then immediately took it upon himself to murder her.

The deeds being done, Abbey apparently mushed all the hearts together using some sort of weird thing, and Loraine ate the bastardized heart. We got the house, and the ghosts that will haunt it.

9 People, 1 Traitor, 10 Deaths

Looking to create a new hideout, we went to see a Ms. Loraine Davidson who owns a bit of property near our hallowed grounds.

We went there, and we were informed that she was trying to work against Sab®ine as well. She was worried that one of her helpers was a spy for Sab®ine and hired us to find out which it was.

9 people in total, all had names and back stories… I mean… an interesting path that led them to this situation. From what we could piece together, it seems that Greta Coldman acquired some poison from who we’re assuming was Sab®ine to drug up Edna Grible. Together with Preston Clouton, a drug-peddling dipshit who enjoys raping people, they led her to a warehouse with weird writing on the wall, where Edna was raped repeatedly.

She ended up becoming pregnant and having a miscarriage. After burying the child, it was dug back up and had been taken away.

A bunch of miscreants if you ask me.

Either way, it would seem that one the three is the spy. But there’s no proof either way. There’s no evidence of anything unless we go out in the world and follow this woman to see what she’s doing.

Going further, the people who are helping Davidson argue that “Crap like this happens all the time”. Is Davidson just an insane woman who enjoys seeing people murdered?

In my own opinion, Greta is likely an unknowing spy for Sab®ine – we should ask her more questions about her acquaintances. Either way, Preston and Greta are going to die.

We’re either going to kill everyone and serve Edna’s heart up on a platter, or kill EVERYONE and steal the house we like.

Fighting Crime In Prime Time!
Subtle's account of the 3-4 year montage.

Subtle’s Notes:

With Scarlet free of Zanzar Tem’s prison our first order of business was boons. Without delay I spent mine having Scarlet retrieve Abby and bring her home healthy safe and sound. When Abby arrived we briefed her on the goings on of the past couple months, Malek’s death, Sabrine, Sampson etc.

Having realized that I got the coolest thing from my boon everyone else buried theirs in their pockets. Scarlet would prefer we use our boons as quickly as possible as each service she provides us unlocks a portion of her father’s power from the rift. According to her, her father will not be able to hold the far side of the rift from the armies of hell unless the power trapped in the rift can be released. Until our boons are spent ‘one of the places [she’ll] be’ is by our side.

With the crew back together we decided to celebrate with some good ol’ fashioned crime fighting. We skulked the night streets doing my usual night rounds and found a small pack of Dandies messing with some citizens of the Necropolis district. Fighting happened. Dandies died. Interestingly one of the Dandies killed himself by clawing his own face off after getting some of Abby’s blood on him. When all targets were neutralized I cut from them each their left hand to mark our kills. Abby took from them each a long strip of skin which would have been more troubling except I was already hacking hands off. It turns out if you raise your kids in a crypt they tend to feel indifferent about playing with corpses.

When we got back to the Necropolis, Abby had decided she wanted to do some experiments with her blood to try to determine if there was a link between getting her blood on a Dandy and that Dandy killing himself with face clawing action. The rat we put her blood on tried to kill itself. Worried, Abby became desperate to understand all she could about how her blood had become a hard counter to life. A few days later we planed an excursion to Dandies territory. Sneaking into a house where our enemies lay in rest we executed all but one in their sleep, and tied the last in his chair. When he woke the talk was short before Abby’s blood was smeared across the mans face. Just like the rat, the man lurched in his bonds, testing the strength of the chair, in some ill attempt to claw his own face off. After about a minute or so he calmed down but was unable to put into words what he had just experienced. So he got another dose. By the end of the night we had not much more information than when we had set out, but we had two shiny new left hands, the first two to have been plucked from Dandy territory.

Having enjoyed crime fighting so much we decided to make a thing of it. Our nightly raids on the seedy underbelly of our once proud district culminated in the Dandies learning to stay off our turf and the local citizenry growing more and more willing to defend themselves and each other. I kept taking hands, but eventually Abby stopped taking strips of flesh. She had them tanned and made into armor.

A short time after my 15th birthday Brooks informed us that we had been invited to a meeting of the houses of the Wardens of Cerberus. Since Malek’s death we not only made up all of the members of Special Reconnaissance and Tactics, but also represented the Specters to the Houses of Cerberus. Brooks advised us to avoid going to the meeting until we were willing to reveal our identities to the houses. We decided not to go. When Brooks got back from the meeting he stated that Sabrine had become the head of the House of Eyes and most of the lesser houses had fallen in line under her command.

Our home in the catacombs would no longer be safe.

Episode 6: We're not Ambi-turners

We went on a harrowing adventure to investigate some sort of zombie factory down south. Brooks said he would go ahead and scout things out for us, but we were too impatient.

We went over to the place on the third day and arrived that night. Someone was being dragged into the factory with a bag over his head. COULD IT HAVE BEEN BROOKS!?

We snuck up to the building and I attempted to climb it. Boy, that was a mistake. I wonder if the other spectres ever had to deal with being inept? A bunch of psychotic-demon-zombies came out and chased after Subtle. Two of them jumped onto the building in one jump. I killed one, but Brooks came by to save me when it appeared I was probably about to die by the hands of the other. I searched their bodies for any sort of “+20 to jump check” items, but, alas, all I found were worms coming out of their noses and brains.

Apparently, the damned things could only really see / focus on Subtle. We’ll have to find a way to see if he has worms in his brain.

We all managed to get home… I heard that Tobias threw his life-savings at some bums on the street. I tried one last time to sneak into the warehouse. No problems, now. But it was so dark inside. I went down a bit but didn’t see anything. I figured it would probably be a good idea to just leave, as opposed to getting bum rushed by zombies who are fabulous.

Back home, Brooks was mad at us for only letting him scout for a day. I guess that’s the lesson of the mission.

We decided to help Xanzar save Scarlett, which proved to be intriguing. We visited Xanzar’s parents home, which was constantly changing shape to fit his liberal desires. The helpers asked us to save them, which ahem we did (high fives all around).

The dinner was a disgusting one, a fat dude, a woman without eyes, and a woman without fingernails who was gargling on her own blood, all sat around us while they served us their dinner servants. At one point, someone made everyone laugh – even the food. Subtle scarfed down his food, I didn’t.

I, being a very uncharismatic jerk, had to use the restroom, where I found a skeleton. I grabbed a toe bone, thinking “who knows, maybe this guy is Xanzar and we’ll need to do the entire demon-boon thing to get him to save us”. Being even more rude, I managed to ask about prostitutes at the dinner table. Luckily, everyone realized I was a jackass and ignored me. Tobias managed to think of a less crude way of getting the helper girls alone with us at night: he asked if we could have some assistance through the night to keep us from getting lost.

The conversation with the girl revealed that she was troubled. And, based on how she was always trying to get me to agree with her conclusions, I started thinking that maybe she was accessing my memory in some way. This normally would sound insane, which is why it made perfect sense — I mean, did you SEE the bathroom?!

Tobias and Subtle chose to give up and retire to bed, but I have to admit that psychosis is a very interesting thing for me. The puzzle had to be solved. Finally, I determined a plot to find out if she was accessing my memory (or some sort of other memory – it was mentioned that the house is a relic of Xanzar’s memory, after all): if something in this house happened that only I knew about, then I would know that something fishy, indeed, was taking place. The toe! “What did I pick up in the bathroom?”. “THE RING!”, her eye’s lit up.

Well, she was wrong. Oh well, time for bed….

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A RING!!! I raced out, and the gelatinous blob of a dinner host came barrelling down the hallway. It’s human-esque growth was demanding that we give the ring back. We ran down the hallway and turned left after left after left after left — The same way to the shitter!

Eventually we came to the gallery, and we gave the ring to Deliah (that’s apparently her name). She popped everything open, and Scarlett was teleported into the middle of the ring-of-us. She couldn’t move until Xanzar made her promise not to get vengeance upon the Wardens, etcetera.


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